SUCKER

Im a messed up girl. In a not so perfect world.

why do i feel the wrong feelings.. why cant i love the ones that love me, insted of loving just dreams?
I waited so long to be loved, to be that someone for a person, i wanted it so bad, but now it just doesnt feel right.

when he stares at me i feel so good, i feel his mistirious sight going down trough all my body, taking away all of my clothes.

the madness is taking control.
the rain is drowning the unkwon feet on the cold grownd.
the sun fades behing the dark clouds


Im the black flower in your coulorful garden of dreams <3

take me far away from here, i want to go somewhere no one finds us, somewere far way , somewere were everything would be just simple and happy, no complications anymore. just you and me.
I want to go to a secret house somewhere hiden with flowers, id wake up with the morning light in my eyes and you by my side. close to me, worming up my every single bone.

i want to have, i want you so bad its killing me .


when i see you in the morning i feel like smiling all day long just with the though of seeing you again in the end of just another normal day. the wish to talk to you haunt my dreams, the thought of kissing you haunt my reality.

were are you when i need you the most, were do you go when theres no one esle ther, when im all alone in a dark scary corner? your gone.

the sun is closer to the earth,
the sun is closer to you on the other side...

Shine, like you have never before,
maybe you'll shine more than the stars

*Maybe someone like me.


i whatch my words fall into her , as I walk away and turn back over my sholder to see him one last time.I want to feel the weight of your body on the top of mine


then she says, " i love you"
Like three dropsof blood falling onto snow.

DUST, gliter, rain

I can't. I'm falling.
But i CAN'T hold on to anything,
its slyding, its slimy, its raining but the sky is blue like your eyes and the rain is red,
red like my wrists
red like my blood.
Maybe i'll come back as somebody else, in another life, with defrent reasons to exist,but in my dream i will still met you and love you for ever.
-------------------------------\\---------------------------------

Im turning inwards, their voices the sound of water murmuring.
moments gather
anything could happen next.

Lets say yes then.
yes to everything for just one more day.

One more moment. One more. I can manage one more.
A sweet wrapper whips up the path in the wind

** trying

If you look into my eyes, you will see a loving girl.
If you look at my smile' you will see that nothing is wrong.
If you look into my heart, you will see some pain.
If you pull up my shirtsleeves and look at my arms, you will see black and blue marks.




....................................... Moment...................................

let him wish his life
for the sorrows of a stone
...
never knowing the pain of ice
as its crystal slowly grow
needles pressing on his heart

to live forever
and never feel a thing
to wait a million lifetimes
only to erode and become sand
wish not for the stone
but for the fire
last only moments
but change everything

oh to be lighting
to exist for less than a moment
yet in that moment
to expose the world to every open eye
oh to be thunder

...
yet gathering for the one fatal moment
the power to blow the top off the world
oh to last the blink of an eye and leave nothing
but nothing unmoved behind you...



"Land of the Free and Home of the Brave"

-------------------------------------**

not to have the prejudice bone in her body .


"Don't juge a penut by its shell , judje it by what's inside of it."


...in memorie of all
freedom writers

peole say that once your dead ur dead and you go nowhere
but I think that we MUST go somewhere 'cause we soffer somany things during the time we pass here on earth that it wouln't be fair

some other people say that when we're dead it's time for God to decide, if we did all the good things he asked us to do, we go to heaven, a suposly wonderfull place where it's sun all the time, there is no anger, sadness, jalousy, poberty, unhappyness, or hate, a place where birds sing all day , where children can play all day were mums aren't woried for them , the " suposly " perfect place
but if you did some things wrong in lifetime , then they say u'll go to hell , a place unther the grownd , where there is fire everywhere , and there is this devil that takes care of you, he is red and has two horns on the top of his head and a big tail, there people sufer for what they did , even dead they keep on sufering
well,
for me nothing of this is true , i don't belive that there are those two places that just this one pearson decides where u'll go( i dont beilve that there is that one person) , or that when you're dead u'll just stay unther the grownd , or stay as a dust in a box somewhere hiden

but how can people know ? 'cause at least one thing we are all certain, when you die , your not coming back, not this time, not nearbuy, no , you're dead and it's all, so how can people know where you go? no one can go there on holydays, no one has ever came back to tell how it was

but you do have to go somewhere after all we live on earth all those moments, when u start to walk,the first time you go to school, when u start to read, the first exam the first kiss, the first party the first cigarette, the first time you fall in love,the first drink, the first heartbreak, the good and the bad moments all of them, do u think we go by that all this time to finish up nowhere ?

I don't...
but even if you asked me what do i think we go then ? , well i cound't answer you
i surely have lots of ideas about that but, i thing we'll just have to wait untill we find out, then we could say our point of view about it , untill there noting to do, maybe some imagination, nothing concrete at least

but i tell you one more thing,...im not impacient for that moment, it will arrive some day as it does for everyone but i think that day hasn't come for me yet...
don't be too happy, that day will arrive, its sure, but live every single day at the end we'll see...

looking to the past i C i have changed, but i dont know if it good, or if its bad, im confused, some years ago i was a lilte:P nice girl that wanted to have good results ,live in a dollhouse in fairyland, i could open up the door to stangers to give thema cup of mistirius water, now and soon i will want to be akcepeted by the others ,want to have friends ( true, ones) ,want to know i can trust people, want to goout and have fun all night and day . Now those days , teenagers are pulled to a hard horld ,a stressive worl, where you have to be really carfull to what u do , cause if you do anything there will be consquences, and that is not funny anymore, we, teenagers, are pulled to a world whre if you dont have good grades or your nothing, u'll go nowhere, whre alcohool is ther in front of you making funn, a city with smoke everywhere,you cant opne the door to stangers anymore, drugs are celled anywhere just need to aks, people dont know how to resit , people will make mistaques, will do the wrong decision, will open up there hand and take it and in That moment they will be coughth,and will fell what they did was wrong try to do it good but, there are tomany people that wont let it go people to judge them and point at them when they pass, they will talk behing ther back, but they just have to continue walking throw the school halls like it was nothing, hiding behind some probably not done homework, hopping the teacher will not notice that they stood up all night, a world of fear..
but im growinng , im not in the dollhouse anymore, but im not reldy t pass that breage yet, i fell sacred, i want my lilte teddy back i want the lights to go out again and my mum to tell me that it was all a bad dream,
unfortunatly this wont happend, ill just get a slap right on my face ,telling me this is the reallity and i have to live with it , so i'll just continue going down the hallsways hopping for something good to happen...




dollhouse nº :) , fairyland